Un-Real at 2 weeks…

To read the first Un-Real go to https://i-m-4-u.com/2018/05/06/2405/

Since the initial blow-up I have not gotten verbally abusive with anyone.  I had taken the new med for two days and was off the old med for two days when I had blown up.  The blow up was right on schedule for me when I have not taken the old med.  I am guessing the new med, at two days, had not had time to be effective yet.

The med is working, although differently than my previous med.   My body feels lighter, less “drugged and heavy” than with my previous med.  I have more of a capacity to not be automatically compliant with other people’s desire’s and more able to stand my ground for what I think is right.  However, I am not used to this and I can go from assertive to aggressive too easily.  I am now taking a second dose at mid-afternoon so I don’t yell at anyone in the evening when the med seems to wear off.

And thankfully the insurance company allowed my doctor to prescribe it to me.  I am thankful to my doctor and his advocacy and thankful to the insurance company for listening to my doctor.

And grateful most of all to Jesus who made all this work together for my good.


King Neb, “King Me,” and King Jesus

King Nebuchadnezzar had some problems; one was understanding glory.  What it was and who had it topped the list.  Thousands of years later I was blissfully unaware I shared King Neb’s problem and fate.  Daniel 4 recounts how King Neb thought he was responsible for Babylon’s existence and glory.  King Neb thought his actions in building Babylon revealed that he was great.

30 “The king reflected and said, ‘Is this not Babylon the great, which I myself have built as a royal residence by the might of my power and for the glory of my majesty?’”

New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Da 4:30). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

This is how God responded to King Nebuchadnezzar,

“[A] voice came from heaven, saying… you will be driven away from mankind, and your dwelling place will be with the beasts of the field. You will be given grass to eat like cattle, and seven periods of time will pass over you until you recognize that the Most High is ruler over the realm of mankind and bestows it on whomever He wishes.”

New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Da 4:32). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

After high school I wanted to become an Aeronautical Engineer and a Graphic Artist.  I thought these professions would make me important, respected and wealthy.  Most of the girls in my high school graduating class seemed to want to be social workers.  I thought that was stupid and that helping people was a waste of time.  There was no glory in that.  Neb and me had the same problem, and we got similar solutions.  Neb lost his mind for seven years.  I lost my mind for ten years.

When we were restored to sanity we were both very grateful to God.  And we now know that only God is great and worth our lives.

But what is true greatness?  In ancient Babylon and now? Deuteronomy 6:5, and Leviticus 19:18 are quoted by Jesus (who is my authority on greatness):

31 “The second is this, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Mk 12:30–31). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.

Jesus said that, Loving God and Loving People, are the most important things you can do.  People that do this are great to Jesus and people that don’t do this do not know what greatness is.

Jesus’ disciples were arguing who was the greatest among them.  Jesus took a small child and said to them, to be great you must be converted and become like this child.  And to be on the very top you must be a slave to all.

Neb and I could not possibly have gone any more in the wrong direction.  Yet, Jesus loved us and humbled us with mental illness until we could think right.

Our culture pushes the pursuit of empty glory.  Jesus invites you to voluntarily humble yourself and learn from him.  He is gentle and humble and will enable you to give and receive love.

And that is the only glory there is.



This is my other poem.

During the election process I was a little angry at how some on the “right” didn’t have any insight into their own view.  The “left” has their own problems as well and deserve their own poem.

And of course I don’t have any problems of my own…  (Maybe that needs a whole website to deal with it).

Thanks for reading,


Why did Jesus save me?


The above post is more aggressive and confrontational than I would like.  I may rewrite it.  I was trying to get across that if we want to experience Jesus and his love we have to do what he said to do.  Jesus followers can be identified by their actions.  “Believing” the right teaching but doing what I want with my time, talent and treasure betrays my real master is not Jesus.

Jesus never gives up on me, so…

Cognitive Dissonance is a fancy term that I think means that two or more things in my mind don’t make sense together.  In my case it also means I am a hypocrite.  At my job I am motivated to pour acceptance, encouragement, listening, occasional problem-solving into my client-friends.  I have rewarding relationships with many of them.  But I noticed I wasn’t the same person at home.

At home I don’t get the thank you’s when I do something for my son like I do at work.  My son doesn’t even listen all the way to the end of a sentence when I talk to him.  I felt like I didn’t get the “love and respect” I got at work.  And it didn’t take me long to figure out why.

I am starting to unconditionally accept and encourage my son, just like I do my client-friends at work.  I don’t do this based on how I feel about him at the time.  I do it based on the fact that other ways aren’t working.  Like always the Bible was right all along:  Do for others the same things that you want them to do for you.  I want him to respect me, I will first respect him.  I want him to thank me, I will thank him.  I want his encouragement and love, I will first give him my encouragement and love.

I have failed, will fail and am failing at this.  But as John Maxwell’s friend says about getting knocked down in life:  I’m either up or getting up.

There are still times I get mad at my oldest son.  But I am on a new direction (or a redo of an older direction).  And I will continue to pursue a relationship with him no matter how many times I fail.

Do I have to serve Jesus to be saved?

Before I became a Christian, and even some time after, I used to think:  What is the least I need to do to please God?  This question betrays that I don’t know Jesus.  Now that I know him I ask him to do all that he wants in me and through me all through the day.  I ask him to do this because doing God’s will is FUN!  He gives me a spirit that wants to do his will.  Jesus said to his disciples:  “I have food you know nothing of.  My food is to do the will of my Father and to finish his work.”  There are people all around you who are inwardly, desperately, looking for fulfillment, looking for Jesus, though they may not know it.

If you know Jesus you can help others’ to come to know him.  Just tell them what Jesus has done in your life.  Tell them what your life was like before Jesus.  Tell them how wonderfully Jesus has changed your life!  If they ask you questions you don’t know the answer to – GREAT!  Tell them let’s find out together.  And talk to your pastor or someone else who can help you.

Fear comes from satan.  If you ask anything according to Jesus’ will he will do it.  He wants to let others’ know that Jesus loves them.  Ask Jesus to calm your fear.  Ask him to love this other person through you.  And just TRY, completely depending on Jesus.  He will give you the words to say.  He will give you love for this person.  You will not fail.

They may not accept Jesus as their Savior, but you have delivered Jesus’ message to them that Jesus loves them.  And Jesus can use that to work in their hearts in the future.

You can dread “serving” Jesus, or you can get to know him and find out why he is filled with JOY!