I am a deeply flawed person.
Though that is my own assessment it has been confirmed by others. It’s not my heart that has the problem. I used to have a heart that always chose not to believe God and not to do what God wanted. Jesus has replaced that heart. Now my heart wants to know, love and follow Jesus. But I don’t always. Sometimes I still choose not to believe God and not do what God wants. The problem now is my mind. It is filled with 61 years of truths. Some truths that are true. . . some truths that are lies. When I don’t believe and trust God and his words, I fear. I fear I may lose something important to me. The lies say I can’t risk doing what God wants me to do. What if he doesn’t come through this time? I choose then to do what God does not want me to do. The lies say it will be better.
I have guilt, regret, shame. My heart wants to obey Jesus. What went wrong?
Jesus has died to pay for my wrongs and rose from the dead to give me His life. But my mind still has many old lies, masquerading as truth, which fool me. God says I need to “renew my mind”. I need to learn what is “true truth” from Him, by learning what God has to teach me through the Bible.
Renewing my mind is not easy for me. If it was it would have happened 34 years ago. I struggle with spending time with God through reading the Bible. The time during and after reading the Bible is a delight, but satan attacks me when I am considering sitting down to read God’s words. Satan tells me I will not enjoy it, it will make me feel miserable, God will condemn me through what I read. All these are lies but at the time they feel so real.
Jesus said the Holy Spirit will lead me into all truth. And, we will be taught by God Himself. So I put my problem into the hands of God.
He always knows how to help me.