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Welcome to I AM for You!

My goal is to share the love of Jesus that he has shared with me.  

Love does not condemn people, but love does condemn that which harms people, known in the Bible as “sin.”  These actions I am against, not the people doing them.  My life was sinful when I met Jesus.  I denied it.  And spent ten years under His wrath while He humbled me.  When I admitted my sin and accepted Jesus my life changed.  Now I am not sinless, but I do sin less.  I still fall short and need His forgiveness.

Join me as we discuss Jesus, Mental Illness, and the combination of both.

 

What’s in a phrase?

Have you noticed that some people are referred to as a “person of faith”?  And when they receive something it is credited to “the power of prayer”?  As good as these phrases are, I don’t think they go far enough.  They leave someone out.  The person doing it.  God.

Our faith (trust) is in God.  Not in faith.  It is God’s choice and God’s power that answers our prayers.  Not the prayer.  And God is so much more than power.  He is unbridled love toward each one of us:  every man, woman and child on the planet.  He wants everyone to experience his love forever.

Jesus said, “Repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand.”  Or said another way, turn away from the things that hurt you and others and trust Jesus and ask him to lead your life.

Jesus wants to love you and help you love others.

Now the above message is good, but I left out something very important.  When you surrender to Jesus, satan gets very mad.  And the people who do not love God get very mad.  If you give yourself to Jesus, you now are NOT a slave to satan.  You now are a threat to satan.  You now are a child of God.  You now are able to resist satan.  You can expose him.  And you can lead others away from his control and to Jesus and his love.  Satan wants to stop you.  He wants to hurt you.  Because through your pain he hopes to hurt God.

When you become a Christian you may refuse to do something immoral and be threatened with losing your job (like I was).  You may be forced to leave your job because of a false accusation from someone influenced by satan (like I was).  And you may experience a terrifying, 20-year long, chronic crisis of raising kids who don’t respond to traditional child rearing or adult influence because you obey God* by adopting special-needs kiddos from foster care (like my wife and I did).

The idea that if you become a Christian life will be problem-free is a myth.

Though satan is more powerful than us, Jesus is infinitely more powerful than satan.  And Jesus has provided a way.  Jesus said that if we put Jesus first as Lord and Savior, he will take responsibility for feeding us and clothing us and giving us shelter.  And that is all we really need.  Therefore, we don’t have to fear what satan can do to us.  Jesus has already defeated him on the cross and Jesus will defeat him in our lives too.

Following Jesus is hard.  But it is also fun.  I would never want  to go back to being a slave of satan (And free only to do evil).  Now I am a slave of Jesus (and I am free to do good for others and myself).

Jesus chose to die rather than spend eternity without you.  And he did.  What is your choice?

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*God’s plan was to make us a family.  Satan hurt my two boys in their birth home and continues to attack them today through the residual effects of early trauma.

 

I have wanted to die…

Major depression and especially Bipolar depression is not like some think.  When you say depression they think about when their dog died and they were depressed.  They think, “Everybody gets depressed.  Just make like a rubber band and snap out of it.”  This was said to me when I was in the depths of depression.

My constant thought is that “I just wanted to get back to normal.”  Being awake or asleep was a constant, horrific nightmare that I couldn’t get out of.  Relentless pressure of psychic pain.  Everyone hated me.  I shouldn’t eat because I wasn’t working.  Guilt.  Sadness.  Loss of everything that was important to me.  People who  have no clue, giving advice as if they think they are telling me something I don’t already know.  Condemnation by everyone. Despair.  Without hope.

And satan is constantly telling me to kill myself.  He says it would be better.  Don’t think anymore about it just do it.  It would end all this suffering.

And of course satan is a liar.  His goal is my death.  To hurt God.  To hurt my family.  To hurt me.

Yet the pain is so great I actually consider it.  Like a deadly light to a moth I am attracted.  Why keep on living?  This pain is constant.  No break.  I haven’t felt anything but bad in forever.  Where is God?  Why is this happening?

With all my strength, wishing for something I do not feel is there, thinking it is not worth it, I choose to live.  Satan laughs at me telling me I have made the wrong choice.

And as I lay on the summer grass at Kalamazoo Regional Psychiatric Hospital, I close my eyes, knowing that this round is over, and I go to sleep.

God loves people with mental illness.  Jesus healed them.  God goes with us in our pain and bears most of it.  God wants us to live.  He used/is using every ounce of suffering I have gone through to help others.  And helping others gives me joy that is worth all the former pain.

I am so glad I didn’t kill myself.  I would not know the joy I feel now.

Jesus had a plan for me.  He has a plan for you.  I am asking Him to help you.

Take the risk and trust Him.

God impressed me to leave you with this song

Like me, this song was remade in response to Jesus’ love.

My first blog post… for the third time.

This is my third start.  I started the first time on Blogger with no help.  After a few years Google+ began censoring me because I wrote that Jesus loves Muslims and mentioned two Muslims who at the time carried out Jihad on a place where one of them worked in California.

My second start was moving to WordPress.  Here I found help.  But I didn’t stick with the help.  I didn’t have the time at the time.  Now I want to receive all the help I can get.  I still don’t have the time, but I am going to go slow, and stick with it this time.

This is to be my first blog according to the instructions.  I am to tell you what my blog will be about.  i-m-4-u.com means I AM for You! which means “I AM” (God the Father, God the Son, Jesus and God the Holy Spirit) and I want to serve you using my experience with mental illness and my experience as a follower of Jesus and the combination of both.  Please comment, ask questions, or just know you are not alone.

 

 

Jesus cares about the littlest need…

It was the mid-1980’s.  I was a brand new Christian.  I had been invited to go to a bible study group of those in their late teens and early twentys.  The study was being led by two Bible college students.  I felt very insecure,  I would not measure up to these knowledgeable and experienced Christians.  I desperately wanted them to know that I too, really was a Christian.

In the Bible Study a question came up, and the answer someone said was: “because David didn’t know Jesus.”  I said he did know Jesus and referenced this verse:

Jesus asked the crowd who’s son the Messiah was.  They said, the son of David.  Jesus said, Why then did David call him Lord? For he says, The LORD said to my Lord, sit at my right hand until I have made your enemies your footstool.  Jesus asked, If David calls him Lord, how can he be his son?
Matthew 22: 41-46

Jesus cared about a brand new Christian and gave me what I needed to feel as though I measured up in the eyes of others.

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Several years later I was at the Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit Satellite Site lunch at our church.  I was being constantly, strongly attacked by satan.  He was saying, that I did not belong there, I wasn’t a leader, etc.  God helped me formulate a defense that I was a leader of my family and how the principles taught at the GLS applied to me in leading my family.  Immediately after I had formulated this in my mind, a young 20’s Pastor challenged me. Why was I there and how did the GLS apply to me, since I wasn’t leading anyone?

And I was able to answer him.

Jesus cared about even me, to give me an answer to share with the “real” leaders.

 

He works for my good…

I haven’t yelled at anyone since the beginning of the “new med” debacle.  Jesus gave me a highly productive day at work recently.  My clients and I are learning how to defeat negative thoughts.  I have new Bible-Study software and I am successfully paying for it by eating leftovers instead of eating out for lunch.  I discovered a book on Anxiety and Depression by Saddleback church that we are going to incorporate into our church “hope for mental health” group.

AND… I’m looking at the positives in my life tonight instead of the negatives.  Things aren’t perfect but they are good.  Jesus was telling the truth when he said he will work all things together for my good because he loves me and I love him.

Un-Real at 2 weeks…

To read the first Un-Real go to https://i-m-4-u.com/2018/05/06/2405/

Since the initial blow-up I have not gotten verbally abusive with anyone.  I had taken the new med for two days and was off the old med for two days when I had blown up.  The blow up was right on schedule for me when I have not taken the old med.  I am guessing the new med, at two days, had not had time to be effective yet.

The med is working, although differently than my previous med.   My body feels lighter, less “drugged and heavy” than with my previous med.  I have more of a capacity to not be automatically compliant with other people’s desire’s and more able to stand my ground for what I think is right.  However, I am not used to this and I can go from assertive to aggressive too easily.  I am now taking a second dose at mid-afternoon so I don’t yell at anyone in the evening when the med seems to wear off.

And thankfully the insurance company allowed my doctor to prescribe it to me.  I am thankful to my doctor and his advocacy and thankful to the insurance company for listening to my doctor.

And grateful most of all to Jesus who made all this work together for my good.