Stupid?

2 Surely I am more stupid than any man,
And I do not have the understanding of a man.
3 Neither have I learned wisdom,
Nor do I have the knowledge of the Holy One.
Proverbs 30:2–3 (NASB95)

19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;
20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
James 1:19–20 (NASB95)

My perception of my helplessness produces fear of loss and my reaction to fear of loss is anger. And I feel that anger must be expressed NOW! I am wrong. But at the time I am wrong, I don’t know that I am wrong.

How can I stop this? I have made this mistake more than one time. Or, rather, more than one million times. “Surely I am more stupid than any man.” Proverbs 30:2 (NASB95)

I have asked my godly wife to warn me when I am not thinking right. And, with great courage, she does. But at the time “I am much smarter than she is” and I don’t listen. I have godly friends that I consider consulting. But I figure they too “don’t know as much as me and would just talk me out of ‘setting things straight.'”

What about reading the counsel of God (the Bible)? Aaurgh! I am cut to the heart. How can I argue with God? I am afraid of what He will tell me. Maybe, “for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” James 1:19–20 (NASB95) Aaurgh again! I am confronted with absolute truth, wisdom and love. My excuses fall to the floor and shatter.

I am left with a choice.

Obey God and not express sinful anger, but rather trust Jesus and humble myself and work productively through the situation. Or disobey God and reap the consequences of ignoring an all-wise God.

Most recently I chose the latter, and had to write an apology afterwards. But hopefully I will invest more time in reading Jesus’ Word (the Bible) and listening to Jesus in prayer and He will direct me to talk to my godly friends more and especially talk more with my godly wife.

As someone wise once said, “Being charged up with time with God – leaks.” I must spend more time reading the Bible and praying every single day and I will be prepared for the next attack of the enemy.

What do you want? Do you really, really want?

Matthew 7:7, 9, 11, 12 (NASB95)

7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. . . .
9 “Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? . . .
11 “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! . . .
12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

I have always wondered what this passage meant. Is this scripture promising me anything I want if I just ask? Or, more spiritual, promising me anything I ask that is God’s will? Why does God say that what he gives is the best (even if I don’t recognize it as such?). And, what does the Golden Rule have to do with me getting what I want? Do I earn what I want by being kind to others?

One way to sum up the Bible is: Love God, love people.
Can I use this to guide my interpretation?

In verse 12 Jesus says: Always, therefore, love other people (my summary). To me, “therefore” means that to accomplish the previous verses I need to love others. Does that mean I earn what I want by loving others?

Or, does it mean that what I really want (God’s best “loaf”) is to love others?

If I ask, seek, and knock to have God give me love to give to others – he will. When he gives me that love I may not recognize it as the best. But if I choose to treat others the way I want to be treated, God will love that person through me. And joy for – the other person, and me, and God – is the result.

He sought me and He bought me . . .

When I denied I was a sinner Jesus told me He would humble me for ten years. I originally interpreted Him as saying He would drag my “good name” through the mud for that time. (You can see my pride). I later tried to get saved before the ten years were finished and I couldn’t. God did not offer me His Holy Spirit and without Him I couldn’t get saved. God kept to His word that it would be ten years. I needed the full time though, because even after ten years of horrible mental illness I barely humbled myself enough to accept Jesus. (I was still full of pride). I wouldn’t kneel at the side of my bed when I accepted Him. I wouldn’t check the date so I would be able to tell people when I got saved. Because I didn’t feel different after accepting Jesus I yelled at Him in my mind, “I did what You asked. If I’m not saved, it’s Your fault.” And I went to sleep.

Jesus was and is remarkably humble and patient. He didn’t count my sins against me as I accepted Him. He humbled Himself and got down to where I was and loved the unlovely. Maybe that’s why I love Him so much. And why I want everyone who is interested to have the chance to hear how much Jesus loves them.

There is another reason why I love Him so much. And mental illness isn’t necessary. Jesus said, “For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Luke 7:47 (NASB95). If you want to love Jesus much then you need to be forgiven much. And to be forgiven much you have to own your own depravity to God. Mine was total; for apart from Jesus I was completely evil. How do I know? Jesus used mental illness to show me that the “good name” I was so concerned about was only imaginary, only in my perception, driven by my pride. When the “good name” was gone I deliberately chose evil, because I didn’t have any reason not to choose evil anymore. And my choices revealed who I really was, especially to myself.

So what is different now that I’m saved? Pastor Andrew Farley talks about how, when we accept Jesus, He gives us a new heart, a heart that is one with Him and the Father and the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “In that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you.” John 14:20 (NASB95). In contrast to our first heart of stone, this new heart of flesh and new spirit loves God and wants to please Him (see Ezekiel 36:26). I am one with Jesus and my heart’s desire is Him. I am miserable when I sin. As Paul wrote, I died to sin, how can I live in it any longer?

But you protest “Jim your heart still sins!” No, not me or my heart. As Paul revealed in Romans 7:20: “But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.” (NASB95) Paul continues in Romans 8:1-2: “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.”(NASB95)

I am free from the law of sin and death. I am not condemned. But how do I sin less? I must learn God’s will (by reading the Bible) and do it. That will cause me to: ” . . . be transformed by the renewing of [my] mind, so that [I] may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” Paul the Apostle, Romans 12:2b (NASB95).

Jesus initiated loving me by invading my life, humbling me, humbling Himself in order to offer me Himself, and giving me a clean heart. And He is literally changing my mind daily as I read the Bible and obey Him.

Disclaimer: I have no delusions that I am perfect and do not sin (even though it is not I but sin living in me). Talking to my family or co-workers will reveal my mind still needs much more renewing. But I do love Jesus, and people, and when I realize I have failed I grieve. I thank God for His forgiveness, I want to learn from my failure, I apologize to those I hurt (though not nearly enough), and I take Jesus’ hand and we press on with Him taking the lead.