Author: james bruce mcnaughton

The anti-psychotic I have been on for over 30 years is on back order at the pharmacy I use.  The manufacturer may well be discontinuing it because of a lack of enough sales to make a profit.  And I have had to go on a new med.  And three times this week my family has experienced my anger and yelling just as if I haven’t taken any meds for days.

When I am angry and yelling I say to myself that this time I am NOT going to apologize afterward.  This is THEIR fault and I will NOT back down again.  Then, the next morning, when I am thinking better, I am stricken with grief at the hurt I have caused the ones I love and I apologize.  For the hundredth time.  I fear I have no credibility to say I won’t do it again.  I fear they will have had enough and not forgive me and lock me out of their hearts and lives.

I am responsible for my actions, even though my mind is not working right and I would never do these things if my mind was working right.  I have to be responsible because if I am not the whole world could do evil and claim they are not responsible.

I am responsible but not culpable.  I am not guilty of intentionally hurting others because I am not responding to reality, I am responding to the distorted reality my broken mind is presenting me.

After more time on the new med I am learning that it wears off around 8pm.  This is when I have been blowing up.  I also noticed that stress triggers me when the med has worn off.  With no stress, however, I don’t break down.

This new med has given me a new appreciation for the Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity defense.  I really was not seeing and hearing and understanding what was going on.  My mind “heard” my sons and my wife being incredibly disrespectful and hateful to me.  Even though they weren’t.  I heard what they were saying (not additional things).  But my mind added the interpretation of evil intention to what they were saying.

Fortunately my family has forgiven me so far.  But it is hard on them.  And I don’t know what to do.  I have made some progress.  The second time it happened, before I blew up, I recognized the feeling that it was going to happen again.  I was able to warn my wife I was spiraling down and not to talk to me (as my brain changes her words to be inflammatory to me).

Hopefully, I will one day be able to recognize trouble early enough to act to protect others from my hurtful words.

Jesus said, Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and not see the log in your own eye?  The log is seeing the fault of another.  The speck is the brother’s real problem – his brokenness and need.  Thank you my family for forgiving my fault and helping me with my needs.  I love you.

POST post-script:
to go to “Un-Real at two weeks” go to
https://i-m-4-u.com/2018/05/20/un-real-at-2-weeks/

When I first came to know Jesus I was impressed by how some people prayed.  They spoke eloquently, with many words flowing powerfully to God.  I tried to imitate them.  I couldn’t at first.  With practice I was eventually able to “pray like a Christian.”  I found myself inadvertently demonstrating this to my friend who had been a Christian for years.  When I was finished praying I triumphantly felt like a hypocrite.  I realized that during all my “training” I was learning to pray so that the people that heard me would be impressed.  I wasn’t praying to God.

God reminded me how He has talked to me.  Short, simple, and meaningful.  I decided to emulate Him.  Now I pray to God, not people.  And my prayers are usually one or two short sentences.  And God has graciously provided for others, my family, and myself in response.

I am trying to invent a different kind of Bible game.  I am frustrated by Bible games that focus on memorizing facts instead of dealing with life.  The following is an idea for a game I’m considering naming “DON’T QUOTE the verse.”  Instead of rote memorization, I like to put Bible principles into my own words and apply them to real life situations.  I would appreciate your help in developing this idea.

Real Life Example #1

Someone has hurt you by accusing you of harassment.   They see you and your truth telling as a threat to their selfish ambition.  They fabricate a lie about you to get you out of the organization and out of their way.  What do you need to feel in order to forgive them?  What do you need to do to forgive them even if you don’t feel it?

(Think about the pain, insecurity and fear they are daily living in that would cause them to justify to themselves to hurt you to get their needs met).

What in the Bible helps with this question?  How do you apply what is in the Bible to this?  Remember, use your own words, DON’T QUOTE the verse.

Real Life Example #2

Women in the New Testament were elevated by Jesus back to their rightful place at creation as equal to men (“In the Image of God he created THEM”).  Women are seen doing ministry in the New Testament (funding Jesus’ ministry, being the first to carry the news of His resurrection).  How should we interpret the clear restrictions Paul gives women in the church?  If we judge Paul’s instruction as not applicable to us what stops us from saying that other clear instructions don’t apply to us?  Who decides what applies and what doesn’t apply?  And what if those who decide change their mind, do we change our mind too?

Real Life Example #3

Women’s brains are structurally and functionally different from men’s brains.  (For example, women generally (not all) see life as a continuous flow.  Men generally (not all) see life as compartmentalized.  Generally (not all) women are better at dealing with multiple things at once and generally (not all) men are better at concentrating on a single problem more deeply.  Men need respect primarily, women need love primarily).  Does the differences with which God created us dictate a difference in the value and worth of men over women, or women over men?  Do the differences explain a difference in the strengths of men and women?  Are we to compete with each other with our strengths or are these strengths complementary, designed for teamwork?  Do the differences suggest aptitude for different roles or are all roles equally filled by either men or women?

Real Life Example #4

An unmarried man and woman are living together.  They start to attend your church.  They hear of the need and offer to open up their home for a small group Bible Study.  How should your church respond?

Real Life Example #5

For thousands of years accepted science stated that the universe existed in a steady state.  For thousands of years the Bible said the universe had a beginning and will have an end.  Throughout history the Bible has always been proved right when accepted science has caught up to it.  What do you know about the Creation account that conflicts with the Theory of Evolution?  Since by definition they can’t both be right, which do you side with and why?

Real Life Example #6

Psalm 15:1-5 KJV

Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill?  He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart.  He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.  In whose eyes a vile person is contemned; but he honoureth them that fear the LORD.  He that sweareth to his own hurt, and changeth not.   He that putteth not out his money to usury, nor taketh reward against the innocent. He that doeth these things shall never be moved.

Psalm 15 above talks about things, that if you do them, “you will not be moved.”  What does that mean?

One of those things to do is “speak truth in my heart.”  Consistently keeping my thoughts truthful is difficult for me.  My mind is constantly being bombarded with thoughts of slight compromise to the truth I am going after.  What is going on in my mind when I believe my own lies?

Have you ever sweareth to your own hurt?   That is, have you ever kept your promise even though things changed after you made your promise and it cost you much more than you expected?

One thing not to do is to “put out your money for usury.”  What is God’s motive for saying this?  Does God not want the practice of requiring interest for the use of money?  Why or why not?

Real Life Example #6

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy states, “There is no absolute truth.”  Is that statement self-contradictory?  Why or Why not?  Why is the answer “sometimes” an inadequate answer?

Jesus made an absolute truth claim that “He is Truth and no one comes to the Father but by Him.”  Why is that claim not exclusive even though Jesus excludes all other deities and religions?