I’ve been asking God to direct me instead of trying to change myself in my own strength. I acted like a jerk this week and apologized to my team members today. I’ve always thought that learning the easy way would be the best. You know what I mean. Learn from the lessons found in the Bible. Learn from others’ failure so I don’t repeat their mistakes.
Instead my syllabus seems to be: Crash, Burn, Apologize.
I am asking God for wisdom. He loves to give wisdom. (See The Book of James in the Bible). I’m also asking that I realize the wisdom is His and not from me lest I get proud again. I think living in wisdom is the same as living in reality – God’s true reality – not my distorted, twisted, self-serving “reality of lies.”
There is nothing to puff me up if I am living in real reality (God’s reality). And the consequences of error are seen upfront and I side-step the error, thus sparing the Crash, Burn and Apologize drama.
How do I get to God’s reality?
God, I can’t do it myself. Please be my everything.
Those who exalt themselves will be humbled;
and those who humble themselves will be exalted. – Jesus
When I do something “good” to impress people with how great I am it turns their stomach once they discover my true motive. My attempt to “exalt myself” ends up showing others who I really am and I am “humbled” by my own actions.
But when I care about others (at least as much as I care about myself), and put that care into action for them, then my “humble” actions show how great God is, who is working through me. Others see this and realize how wonderful God and His love are, and marvel that he is able to give this love through ordinary people.
Taking the speck out of my eye. – from a parable of Jesus*
In the past couple months I have tried to impress others by telling them the “good” I’ve done. At first when I realized I had done this, I condemned myself (which is even more pride). Then I realized I had a need. I felt small and not worth much and I was trying to gain a feeling of importance and shed my feeling of worthlessness by “sharing” (boasting) about what I had done.
I have many faults (lust, gluttony, laziness, pride, and more). While I have condemned myself for these character flaws I am now seeing them as rooted in God-given needs I have and that I can trust Jesus to meet those needs.
Confess your sins one to another that you may be healed. – from the Book of James
My experience with Celebrate Recovery has taught me that this is where satan loses his strangle-hold on me. Confessing not only to God, but also to flesh and blood, brings freedom from satan and healing for my soul.