First of all, I take full responsibility for my actions, or rather lack thereof. I have not trained much in the last four weeks or so. Even though once I start to walk, I love to walk, and I love the feeling when I am done; I haven’t won the battle in my mind of getting out and starting in about a month.
I really don’t understand this.
I have been filled with the fear of walking or rather the pain of walking. And I know that this fear comes from satan and all I had to do was take one step (pardon the pun) toward walking and the fear would dissolve into the lie it is . . . But I chose not to take the step that would have led to freedom from my fear. I chose “safe” failure.
If I don’t finish the 13.1 miles in a week from today it is my own fault . . . It is not satan’s fault, because I have not been tempted beyond what I am able to resist. With the temptation, Jesus has provided a way of escape (just walk outside and start) so that I might be able to bear the temptation. I can’t say along with Flip Wilson, “The devil made me do it!” Or, rather, not do it.
If no one else has benefited from this experiment of faith and lack thereof, I have benefited. I know what it is like to try something far beyond my comfort zone and have initial success. And I know what it is like to cave to fear when success is in sight.
Now, only Jesus can get me across that finish line. Please pray for me. But, more importantly, pray for the water carrying kids. I can fail and go home and have clean water right in my home.
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“Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has not arisen anyone greater than John the Baptist! Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.
New American Standard Bible: 1995 update. (1995). (Mt 11:11). La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation.
“Among those born of women” – those who are not indwelt by the Holy Spirit or, not born from above, or not born again.
Others may have been as great as John but none greater. John’s greatness was his level of practicing the spirit and the letter of the law without being indwelt by the Spirit of Jesus.
“Least in the kingdom of heaven” – those who are indwelt by the Holy Spirit of Jesus, or, born again, or, born from above.
Those in whom Jesus lives through the Holy Spirit are holy and Jesus is able to love more in, with and through them than John could without the Holy Spirit of Jesus.
Of course, I could be wrong. Please let me know what you think…
Someone wrote about not going back to where they lost their way with Jesus… But to go forward with him, into the unknown, with a fresh spirit.
I constantly wonder, how much of my rude behavior is me, and how much is faulty chemistry in my brain? I used to be able to miss meds for longer. I missed my morning meds but took my anti-psychotic at 7am and was still rude in the morning meeting.
A client suggested I set a morning alarm. Then my wife suggested it, and acted on it, by setting an alarm. We will see if this helps.
I am responsible for how I treat people. If I wasn’t then the whole world could claim they are not responsible for their actions. But there are reasons why you act negatively and there are reasons why I act negatively. And I hope you will extend me grace and I hope that I will extend you grace.
So I come to the place where I wish I could just go back to where I was with Jesus. Before having a bad attitude. Instead, I have to trust Jesus that he is enough to deal with my “now” and my “future.” And of course the “now” means more apologies. And the “future” means responding to the now set alarm for meds.