What is the purpose of this blog?

I just read a post about mistakes in blogging.  I have a perfect score.

I’m making all of them.

The post made me think… what is the purpose of this blog?

First and foremost I want to let those dealing with mental illness know that Jesus loves them just the way they are, he respects them and he has a plan for their life to give them hope and a purpose and a future.

I also want to combat satan’s influence.  Too many Pastors are ignorant of mental illness and blame the sufferer for their suffering causing infinitely more intense suffering.  These Pastors may believe that all mental illness is caused by not trusting God and by not obeying God’s instructions (concerning worry, anxiety, depression, grief, etc.).  And that all mental illness can be cured by repenting of this sin, by believing Jesus for healing, and by having enough faith.  These Pastors may also “not believe in” medication.

To these Pastors I have a challenge.  Prove your faith in the healing power of Jesus that you want us to have by asking Jesus to heal your vision. Then remove your glasses. Then drive in rush hour traffic.

If Jesus always heals the organ known as the brain in response to our faith he will also always heal the organs known as the eyes in response to your faith.

God can heal everyone with mental illness right now, miraculously.  And he can heal everyone’s vision right now, miraculously.  He doesn’t always choose to do that though.  Many times Jesus chooses to use loving, supportive people who fill us with hope and counsel, who give us scriptural advice, and medicines that bring brain chemistry back to normal functioning.

Now, not everyone needs medications.  But at least for me it’s the difference between a normal, positive, productive life and spending the rest of my life locked up in a mental ward in incessant horrific psychotic pain.

I have other purposes for this blog but you have already been more than gracious in reading this far.  I defer to another post.  Thank you for reading.

(You can click the link below if you want to read the blog I read with advice about writing a better blog by not making 5 common mistakes).




The anti-psychotic I have been on for over 30 years is on back order at the pharmacy I use.  The manufacturer may well be discontinuing it because of a lack of enough sales to make a profit.  And I have had to go on a new med.  And three times this week my family has experienced my anger and yelling just as if I haven’t taken any meds for days.

When I am angry and yelling I say to myself that this time I am NOT going to apologize afterward.  This is THEIR fault and I will NOT back down again.  Then, the next morning, when I am thinking better, I am stricken with grief at the hurt I have caused the ones I love and I apologize.  For the hundredth time.  I fear I have no credibility to say I won’t do it again.  I fear they will have had enough and not forgive me and lock me out of their hearts and lives.

I am responsible for my actions, even though my mind is not working right and I would never do these things if my mind was working right.  I have to be responsible because if I am not the whole world could do evil and claim they are not responsible.

I am responsible but not culpable.  I am not guilty of intentionally hurting others because I am not responding to reality, I am responding to the distorted reality my broken mind is presenting me.

After more time on the new med I am learning that it wears off around 8pm.  This is when I have been blowing up.  I also noticed that stress triggers me when the med has worn off.  With no stress, however, I don’t break down.

This new med has given me a new appreciation for the Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity defense.  I really was not seeing and hearing and understanding what was going on.  My mind “heard” my sons and my wife being incredibly disrespectful and hateful to me.  Even though they weren’t.  I heard what they were saying (not additional things).  But my mind added the interpretation of evil intention to what they were saying.

Fortunately my family has forgiven me so far.  But it is hard on them.  And I don’t know what to do.  I have made some progress.  The second time it happened, before I blew up, I recognized the feeling that it was going to happen again.  I was able to warn my wife I was spiraling down and not to talk to me (as my brain changes her words to be inflammatory to me).

Hopefully, I will one day be able to recognize trouble early enough to act to protect others from my hurtful words.

Jesus said, Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and not see the log in your own eye?  The log is seeing the fault of another.  The speck is the brother’s real problem – his brokenness and need.  Thank you my family for forgiving my fault and helping me with my needs.  I love you.

POST post-script:
to go to “Un-Real at two weeks” go to







Hate, Love, and Faithfulness

They hated him.  He didn’t conform.  He performed miracles for others but not for them.  He called them “white washed tombs.”  Beautiful on the outside but rotten on the inside.  He exposed their hypocrisy in front of all the people, which publicly embarrassed them.

The Pharisees hated Jesus.  Enough to murder him.  But did Jesus hate them?

Please read this post and if you feel like it, respond to it, thank you:





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