When you can’t trace His hand…

There is a song that goes: When you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.  I was frustrated with something trivial and this song came to mind.  I had a $10 off an oil change coupon that I didn’t want to lose.  I put it somewhere so I wouldn’t lose it.  Now I can’t find it.

I believe God uses everyday things to teach me, and I’m sure there is a lesson I’m going to learn even if now I can’t see it.  Just as the song says… I need to trust His heart.

The biggest example of this in my life came before I knew Jesus.  I asked God to make me like the Christians in the Bible.  He gave me mental illness.  Many years later, after I came to know Jesus, I realized this was God’s best for me.

I didn’t realize it then, but when I asked God to make me like the Christians in the Bible, I was proud and I thought I was better than most people.  God told me I was a sinner and I didn’t believe him.  He told me I was evil and I flat-out rejected what he told me.  When I told God I wanted to be like the Christians in the Bible I thought he was going to congratulate me for wanting to join his team.  I thought I was pretty good and that God was lucky to have me.

Instead, God promised me he would humble me for five years.  I disrespectfully yelled, Five Years?!!  He said, alright ten.  (And that was my first lesson in treating God with respect).  For the next ten years I was mentally ill, trusted no one, and rejected God.  It was hell.  As the ten year mark approached I told God that he had better hurry up and save me, time was almost up.  (I hadn’t learned much respect in ten years).

God did save me after 10 years.  No credit to me.  And I worked for 23 years at a job I did not fit into well while I studied Jesus, leadership, and psychology on my own.  I asked Jesus for a job that used my talents and gifts and I eventually became a Certified Peer Support Specialist.

Now the pieces of my life fell into place.  God used the pain of mental illness to enable me to relate and empathize with others going through similar and not-so-similar pain.  God used my study of Jesus to enable me to share the life-changing message of God’s unconditional love to those who already knew him and wanted help and to those who did not know him but showed interest in knowing him.

God used my study of leadership to help me think better, exercise personal leadership, and help others by supplying them with personal leadership principles that I had experienced.

God used my study of psychology to help me positively interact with people that may have been very difficult for me to work with if I had not studied psychology.

And so, though I could not trace his hand until recently, God has proven to me that he has always loved me and always given me his best.  Even when I didn’t know what was going on and did not want what he was giving me.

I still want to find that $10 off coupon.  But its nice to know Jesus has it all worked out.


Author: james bruce mcnaughton

I became Seriously Mentally Ill at age 18, ten years later I got and took the right meds, I accepted Jesus, and my recovery began.

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